Ever wanted to sell your soul?

I believe I sold my soul a long time ago. Doh! If I'd only have waited, I may be in a financially more secure position. We Want Your Soul is now paying you to extract your superfluous soul by way of an evolutionary "painless and worry free" method. Check out their web site if you don't believe me. I tried to get an online quote, however it failed. It may be too late for me since my soul is already in the possession of another entity, however, you need not fall victim to soul extraction without being paid fair compensation for any loss incurred. I urge you now to cash it in before it's too late, the offer may be extended for a limited time only and believe me, you do not want to miss the oportunity while it is existent.

I came across the site last week and it intrigued me. What a fantastic meme. Probably not for the faint of heart but it certainly demands a level of curiosity, which seems to be lacking in most nooks and crannies around the world wide web. Consumeristic intrigue is a hard selling point in this market, where even your soul is for sale. Supply and demand is paramount to the development and marketing of any reputable product. There is definitely a shortage of good souls, so if you decide to sell it, then you will be in an excellent position to gain top dollar for the transaction. The time is right, for you to sell your soul.

You may be wondering if I am on the pay role of this multinational in soul extraction and I can assure you that I am not. Believe me when I say, I am thinking in terms of your peace of mind and financial security. I am only trying to be of assistance, because when I sold my soul I was duped, I received no compensation. Don't let fraudsters dupe you too, please only sell your soul to the original soul extraction experts, here is their web site We Want Your Soul

I'm Back

My fellow bloggers, I know you have missed me while I have been away but I can assure you, that I am back. You may very well be wondering where I have been and perhaps I can explain. I have been away, hiding away in the fear that I have come to know so intimately over the last fortnight or so. All my fears have now come to fruition. A long arduous journey through the valley of death has cast me into a rebirth of possibility and prosperity. I have officially resigned from my present post and have accepted another position in a rival company. I am living in a brave new world where I can stare into the hideous face of my nemesis, FEAR! with the knowledge that I will not be defeated by her malicious intent.

Perhaps I am over dramatical in my discourse of what could be construed as the trivial nuances of existence. How else am I to make my claim to fame? I have invited you into the extraordinary world of ever so ordinary events. Perhaps your life is more exciting and I urge you then to make your claim, however this page is for you, my companions of pixelated space who appreciate the battle between fear and loathing. It is in this void where such battles can be of the greatest interest and intrigue.


I shall depart for now, however, I hope that you will continue to journey with me through the trials and tribulations of ordinary existence. There are so many nuances of the human condition that we can share with one another and if by chance we allow ourselves to make them appear extraordinary, then so much the better. Life is full of mundane events that can be extrapolated into enormous battles where there are victors and losers. Which are you? Can you claim victory over the mundane? Or are you willing to be deafeated by a nemesis that perhaps remains hidden inside the dark caverns of inner turmoil and procrastination. We all have a story to tell, so let us abandon our extravagant egos and speak the truth about the extraordinariness of the ordinary and mundane.

How else are we to find a semblance of meaning to the everyday, which seemingly abounds with the sublimely absurd tick, tock of consciousness.

D-Day

The time is fast approaching where I need to announce a decision. I have essentially made a decision (in my head) that I will be taking up an offer, which has been delivered to me via one of the recruitment leeches on my case. I am absolutely terrified though. I am dreading this whole affair. Resigning from my current employer is going to be a tough ask. I almost feel sick and I think I am sick. I don't know what the future holds and this not knowing is driving me mad. I can't relax. I feel on edge. Why is this so hard? Anyway what started out as a half arsed quest has now almost become a reality, all I need do is say yes and it will be done. I am desperately trying to see this as a positive affirmation and it is a positive thing, however I am confronted with a looming negative. I have to stop thinking about this, to stop obsessing over something that hasn't happened yet. All my fear is surrounded by some event that hasn't even happened. It's absurd! Why am I so scared? All I'm doing is changing jobs and perhaps by doing so will, be moving to greener pastures. It's not as if I am being made redundant with a morgage and three kids to look after. I need to keep this thing in perspective. All I need do is front up and everything will be okay.

Enough! I am not going to think about this thing anymore. Tomorrow isn't here yet, so I don't need to stress myself out by thinking in loops, it isn't going to make it go away.

One down one more to go

One more interview tomorrow and I will be free from the burden that these things take on my fragile old nerves. I may be inept at interviewing and all I can say is, practice makes perfect. I think I went ok today but there is always room for improvement. I don't believe I exude confidence, however, I do the best with what I have. Some people are natural born salesman and can go effortlessly through the doors that are opened to them while others are a little more afraid of what may lie beyond. I am one of those people that prefers sometimes to poke my head in through the door to take a peek before gaining the necessary confidence to stride through it.


Well I have nothing to lose in this little adventure and I have gained some insight into my own shortcomings. That in itself is reward enough. Pfff...it is not what anybody else would perceive. I will have to wait for the result of the anxiety I have placed myself through. To what end have my efforts been for? I can make analyses of shortcomings and lack of esteem but does this in itself really define anything? All I know is, is that I have a particular skill set, which is not that easy to come across. Regardless of my self deprecation I do possess some value in the high end engineering field. I am fucking good at what I do and that is to draw whatever anybody wants or has the inclination to build. This is the fact. I am not a salesman. I am a draftsperson and a damn good one.

So there :P

Rattled Nerves

Man my nerves are on edge. I've had five days off from work and by no means am I even vaguely relaxed. I have a job interview tomorrow and I am so living on an influx of adrenalin, neurotransmitters seem to be doing a crazy dance, shooting left, right and centre. I really have nothing to fear but I am scared anyway. It is said that one of the biggest stresses in life is changing jobs and they ain't wrong. I am looking forward to the weekend or at least friday when I won't have any more interviews. I have another interview on Thursday so I guess I will be in a similar state tomorrow night. I have no idea of how I am going to sleep tonight. I have to keep it in the moment, all I have is this moment and if I am wandering off into tomorrow then all I can expect is fear. The unknowable is a frightening experience. I can take small consolation in the fact that six years ago I made a move from one employer to the next and it didn't kill me then, so I should be able to reconcile that experience with the one I am having now.


Things were a little different back in 2000 my head will argue, however, I am not so sure that they were really. I was dreadfully unhappy with my employment situation in that yesteryear and it took all my courage and more than a little resentment to fuel a motivation for change. In this present time I am a little unhappy and I am not so sure of where it stems from. Perhaps it is a little late for me to be analysing my motives, however, it may serve to clarify why exactly I want this change.

1. I am unhappy with my renumeration package.
2. I feel that I am being taken advantage of because I lack assertiveness.
3. I feel that I don't fit into the culture in some way.
4. I feel that I am not appreciated and that I have become in essence a part of the furniture.
5. I don't have any peers as such and feel isolated.
6. I am feeling unmotivated and lack the enthusiasm I once had.
7. I feel left out because I have seemingly been discarded in the mentoring system they have.
8. I am not feeling challenged anymore.
9. Upper management doesn't appear to respect the value of drafters in any significant way.
10. I don't believe in the company anymore, there seems to be a lot of rhetoric and little incentives to advance onself as a drafter.

I accept in large that my personality is at fault here, I need to improve areas of inclusion and be more of a self starter but for some reason feel my hands are tied to the daily bump and grind of 100% utilisation. I believe it is my demeanor and the fact that I tend to lean into a loner state, which keeps me seperated to a large degree. I don't necessarily lay blame in this regard. Perhaps a change of atmosphere and different people may intice me to be more open. I guess my major gripe is the philosophy that upper management takes with regards to the lower echelons in the hierachy. They have been good to me in a lot of ways but the significance pales when I know that I am not being paid fairly for the work I perform. If I look at my performance I do a lot for the company and even if I am a little timid I always rise up to the challenges they serve me. I have even taken some initiatives, however they never seemed to eventuate in anything concrete for me, perhaps due to my lack of assertiveness. I think it may be too late if I'm offered a counter offer, perhaps it is the height of arrogance that I should even be thinking this way but I haven't been happy for quite some time and I think it is time I looked after my interests.

I'll have to face my fears and move on, hopefully with the least amount of stress possible.

Reflecting Whore

An echo of a ticking clock beats against the inside of my head. Time seems to be running out and I feel panicked. I don't know exactly why I am in such a hurry but it seems a matter of urgency that I get to some distant destination. Where this destination is, I do not know. Nothing is making sense in this haze of urgency but I need to get away. But where? There is nowhere to run and I find myself walking along a path, which appears to lead nowhere. Perhaps it is nowhere that I am being drawn to. A nowhere land where perhaps there shall be nowhere people to invite me in. I feel lost as I take each step with caution, only to find myself out of breath. Am I moving too slowly? Time is running out! I hear the beating quickening and I want to keep rhythm, "why is this so?" fleets through my mind, nevertheless I pick up my pace as I travel along the road.

Where is this urgency coming from? Have I wasted too much time as I've moved along this road. I don't remember. I am scared. My heart pounds and the pit of my stomach crawls with anticipation, I sense danger as it slides past unseen. What is that feeling? I feel confused. Have I been to this place before? Deja vu hits me, this fear I have felt before. It is the unknown that crawls beneath my skin, slithering it's way into my cells, making me sick with nausea. I know where this nowhere land is, the fear reveals itself without shame nor remorse.

It is the future. I feel powerless in the face of her blank stare. A face, which seems so featureless and absent yet somehow beckons attention. I feel compelled to gaze into those hidden eyes. My gaze is drawn to hers as she glares with vicious eyes, shining obsidian with a menacing lustre. The wide black eyes of an unknowable world. It scoffs with an inaudible laughter as it draws me close and opens a portal where I can peer through the darkness and into what might be. A world beyond, which coalesces with what could have been and what has been. A non existent world, however the lustful whore seduces me to peer into the mirror with "future" smeared across it in red lipstick. The future reflection appears real as I look into the crystal for some detail that will serve me. All I see is a past and I am mortified that the future could be so identical to what has been. There must be something wrong, perhaps with me, that the future doesn't change and all that changes is the cycle of years. The dark whore laughs at me as I fall back into the here and now. The jeering laughter mocks me with the question "What did you hope to see?"

Blogged Out

I believe I'm blogged out and I hear some you thanking the sweet lord for this miracle. Now before you lot give praise to the almighty, I would like for you to keep this in mind, I am still gonna ramble even if I have nothing to say. However all is not lost, if you look in the right hand corner of your screen you may have noticed a little button that says "next blog", click that button and fuck off if you don't want to read my blogged out nothingness.


Now that I have done some house keeping, clearing the path from what we could describe as the less desirables or bloggophobes, I am free to discuss the important issues. Me! and how I relate to this mystery called life. Although I have a great affinity with nothingness I doubt others will appreciate a blog, which depicts this affinity with a mere visual analogies. I could essentially just have a black background with nothing else on it, to perhaps give some vague insight into the nothingness of my being and what this bloggisphere is about. However, here lies the problem, black is still something so it doesn't quite connect to what this blog is about, which is about nothing. I have decided to elucidate nothingness with text. Text which surely defines nothingness. As plainly as the eye can see, I have said absolutely nothing of importance or indeed value, all that appears are empty words streaming across a black background of empty pixelated space. Words seem truer to the statement "Nothing is true" which I've lifted from William S Burroughs who claims to be quoting from one Hassan I Sabbah..."Nothing is true. Everything is permitted". Who this Hassan dude is I have no idea. I suspect it is a fictional character created by Mr Burroughs, although I'd like to keep an open mind that such an "old man of the mountain" existed, however, when a brief online search informs me that he was the founder of hashishism, I am left with a little skepticism.

I digress from nothing. I am demeaning the importance of the immortal words "nothing is true". I have come across perfection in these three words. It is truely magical! A beautiful set of words, regardless of the add on "everything is permitted", which Dostoevsky debated over a hundred years ago without any great resolution in my opinion. Now back to nothing, imagine, if nothing is true then the statement can be said to be false because nothing is true, therefore one can conclude that nothing is indeed true because it is false. I can further conclude that this blog is true as it is about nothing.


Hopefully I have confused you because I am left confused myself.

Cranked with rage!

Do you ever get the feeling that every tendon at the back of your head is like a post tensioned cable....waiting to spring and catapult your head into a thousand little fragments...barrelling across the floor in shreds of crystalline shards? No? Well it must be only me, although I do have the feeling that the lady who lives next door to me could perhaps relate. Often I hear this madness echoing from the confines of her isolation. A jeering madness, a wretched semi laughter and insane jibbering, that is a mixture of indian and english.Then the door slams. Once! Twice! Three times! Bang! Bang! Bang! like shots of ice in hardened, scar tissued arteries, constricted and collapsing under a heavy, burdened load of transluscent crystals, hammering away inside caverns of thought. It begins in the stillness of night, the banging, the anger...the rage. Voices whispering, telling her the world is evil, an inhospitable cacophony of mistrust. "Look at those people"..."They want to spy on you"..."they want to invade your world". "Look at that fucker hanging out his washing". "That car that pulled up out front." "They want to KILL you!" Slam! the door smashes against the jamb...the scream of silent suffering can be gagged, muffled for only a brief moment. The bang of relief, stomping in the darkness of endless night...Confusion and hatred. Inner hatred! Just shut the fuck up! Bang! Bang! Bang!

I awake to the sound of this confusion. The rage is contagious. I want to kill her. To free her from the demons that stalk through black pools of a vacant stare. I want to slit her throat and hear the garbled end to those voices, which torment with sermons of hate. Bang! One more shot in the still night. Oh yes, I will await her, stalk her, slip into her world and see through her eyes, as blood pools on the floor. Her eyes dilated and perhaps a faint smile will curve upon those dry, wicked lips. My eyes will perhaps bear witness to this lascivious creature of night as it leaves its prison of ripened flesh. Will I then be able to look away before it enters mine?

Feeling Anxious

I am feeling a little anxious at the moment. I don't exactly know why I am. It is probably based on some irrational thought process. What exactly this irrational thought is, eludes my consciousness. Deep down I know what it is, the thing that is causing this anxiety, so I am going to do something about it.

The answer has come to me. However this isn't the forum for me to divulge.


Till the next time.

Pathetic!

I am absolutely pathetic. It's Saturday night and here I am in my PJ's writing in this damn blog. Only moments before, I was investigating and perhaps entertaining the notion of getting private health cover, It's insane! Firstly; to be thinking about it on a Saturday night and secondly because it is almost Sunday morning. I am mad!

What am I to do? I'm lucky here in Oz because unlike the US I don't need private health insurance. I'm still procrastinating over whether to get health insurance, I'm sort of on the borderline where not getting it is cheaper than getting it. We pay a medicare levy of 1.5 percent of our taxable income plus an extra one percent extra if our income exceeds 50k and we aren't in a private health fund. I earn above the said amount, yet I am not so much above it that it will benefit me paying a premium of 24 dollars a fortnight for health insurance.

I'm thinking about this absurdness because I went to the dentist today. I don't believe in health insurance and am not going to take out health cover just yet. It is a matter of principle. I believe the medical and the health care system ought to be funded entirely by the tax payer and should be free for all so to speak. If I had a health insurance policy then I probably wouldn't have had to fork out 200 dollars for the dentist, however I still would've had to pay something I think, even if I did have health cover.

Anyways it's late and I just couldn't be fucked thinking about this anymore.

Happy Sunday

Almost Friday!

One more day left in the mire. I can almost feel grateful that the current project I've been labouring over for the last few months has finally come to an end. Let me tell you that I abhor reinforcing steel. And this bridge widening that I've been working on is filled with it. Brrrr! Gives me the *shivers*. I'm set to start another bridge, this time a new rail bridge, I don't have to deal with an existing structure. I'm also glad that the interview I was supposed to have tomorrow morning at half seven has been cancelled. I feel free from burden, light and in good shape for the weekend.

Routine

Routine seems endless. The days are empty and I am struggling to maintain some level of focus. Sometimes I wish all this will come to an end, and it will eventually. Everything comes to an end. The process of ending is quite often a painful one, it is the process, which I truly hate. It perhaps needn't be a woeful exercise but I find the daily grind so monotonous that I want to throw my hands in the air and say Fuck it. I was driving home from work tonight, the traffic was crawling and I felt that this mindless journey to and fro is just simply pointless. I have no spark. It has been extinguished. I can really understand why people go mad living in this claustrophic atmosphere, absurdity is boundless. I am toing and froing, participating in a meaningless daily venture and am aware that I simply don't fit in this charade. I have all the pretense of playing some role but I am reeling on the inside, screaming for it to end. Often I simply would like for my life to end. I am confronted by my need to perform in this daily ritual, pretending that I'm interested in what I'm doing, except my head is usually a million miles away. Maybe all that is going on is that I am just going through a change right now, a metamorphosis of decline. I have no function really, no purpose. I have a job, which I do okay at for the most part and I have a handful of friends. That should be enough right? Except I still have a void within. It is this void, which seems insatiable, that is consuming me. Perhaps I expect too much from this world, this reality I find myself in. How do others bear the routine? I think I am just a spoilt brat, a whining, ego driven brat and perhaps I am.

I'm only wasting time complaining. I could be making myself useful in some way but I am choosing to whine about something, which is in my power to change. I whinge about it, instead of doing, taking some action to change the situation. I disgust myself with my pettiness. So I will just shut up!

Woo Hoo! Thirty posts.

This will be my thirtief post on blogger. I think it cause for celebration, don't you? I don't really feel like celebrating though. I need this post for my sanity's sake. My head is still reeling with the idea that my search for a new job is not the right thing for me. I keep going on about this same thing and I am still none the wiser...the answer to my concerns is elusive. Perhaps there is no answer. I have an interview Friday morning and after looking at their website I couldn't say I was instilled with a tremendous sense of confidence. I am not at all impressed by their website, some of their links don't even work and I am left wondering if they have the same attitude towards their work culture. I can't see myself being employed there. Will I just be wasting their time and mine by going through with this interview? Am I just fearful of attending the interview and am I thus finding excuses not to go? I am half inclined to just withdraw my half hearted attempt at finding the perfect job. If I am totally serious about finding employment elsewhere then why don't I just resign from my present position? I lack faith.

Will making a move elsewhere provide me the satisfaction I crave? Will I be betraying the people I work with, by packing up and leaving? Fucking recruitment agents just don't listen. Why am I gonna go through with this interview when I am 90 percent sure already that I don't want to work for this mob? Questions! Questions! Questions! No answers.

I guess just because I am going to an interview doesn't mean I have to automatically accept the job if offered to me. I am only testing the waters. So what if I waste their time. Is it a crime to waste time. Is it immoral? Am I a moralist (sometimes I like to think so...LOL) What if they want to pay me the extra fifteen grand I will be asking for? None of these questions are really worth the stress I am going through. It is Tuesday. Friday is three days away. I need to focus on today, not some time from now.

Can't wait till 6 months is up

My internet connection is so slow...so much for 512/128k ADSL and veridas resellers. Perhaps I want something that is unattainable. I have an early termination fee of $99 if I change Internet Service Providers before six months of joining. When one pays for a advertised service one would expect to receive that service most of the time. I am getting for the most part 23KB/s to 32KB/s on downloads. If I could consistently get above 40 then I would be in a better position not to complain. I could probably complain to my ISP but will it serve any purpose? 6 months will be up next month and I'm gonna churn to another provider. Optus now has ADSL 2 and am considering trying them out since my land line is with them already. I probably won't get the advertised 20 megabit connection since I am a couple of kilometres away from the exchange, but the extra five dollars more a month than I already pay will surely amount to an increase in speed. It is the age of instant gratification and why shouldn't I join the band wagon. Besides I am used to receiving instant gratification and I don't see why I shouldn't apply this methodology to internet speed. I long for the day when technology exceeds humanity. Where a machine can out think my feeble mind. Where, in a nano second, I can get the file I want without the delay of synthetic neurons lumbering under hardened ateries of archaic copper.


What exciting times we live in, perhaps generation Xer's will see nano technology implemented and grey goo oozing at the sides of manufacturing, science and medicine. Perhaps Man will create sentient beings from hardware collected from the far reaches of space, Mars Rover extracting the super conductors, which will begin phising the intellect of mere humanity. When we become obsolete, shall hardware replace our fragile biology? Perhaps future generations will free themselves of the corruption of this world as it flees to escape the toxic slime we create now, into the nether reaches of hubblean worlds, to mine and feast upon the riches extracted from dark matter and nebulous placenta. I will perhaps see this coming age...it is not too far away.

I think our searching of outer space is not to seek answers that will serve mankind to understand the great meaning of it all but to indeed find a new home. Just as bacteria sends it's feelers out to search for new hosts to feed upon, so too does humanity reach out with it's feelers, to seek out new nourishment as it scavenges and depletes the finite resources of it's current host. We are created in the image of the greatest replicator....the virus. Can we not be compared to a parasite. Have a look around....are we not feeding off the back of Gaia? like an insect gnawing away at the tree of life? Perhaps my world view is too dark and cynical, but the environment is giving us it's retribution nonetheless...Some argue that it is God that is punishing the world for it's sin, with hurricanes, earthquakes and tsunami's. I think it is just nature redeeming herself from the selfish acts of people like myself and perhaps you? for degrading her name with our wanton acts of selfish abandon. We struggle to accept that we are not the keepers of Her garden but merely guests in Her vegetable patch, in much the same way as caterpillar is. However we seem unable transform into the butterfly, we only perpetuate as a fat slug, unsatisfied untill all that is left is the brown decay that we have excreted as payment for Her generosity.

Alas, when we do mutate into a creature with wings, will we fly off into the distance, only to find ourselves returning into our larvae state? to recommence our insatiable hunger? I hope we will learn the lessons being taught us in this present time, that lesson being that we need to re think instant gratification and try our hardest to maintain the vegetable patch we have been given. Perhaps we ought to slow down and find an adequate hibernation, so that we will then be able to metamorph into the colourful butterfly and truly loft above the vegetable patch, to see the outside garden with fresh eyes and perhaps gain the insight of a new world beyond.

Are Sundays depressing or is it just me?

I've decided to postpone my examination of Addiction and Exile for the moment, stay tuned for the continuing saga. I need to collate my thoughts so that they don't appear to be so much a wish wash of rambling. Perhaps so I can look good...who knows exactly why I feel the need to explore such a pointless endeavour but the need is there never the less.


Tonight I am asking the question, Why do Sundays always seem to be such a sombre day? I can reflect that it is a transient sort of day, where freedom is transforming into the realization that my time will soon have to be handed over to the corporate machine. Mondays mark the rule of the clock, as the pendulum sways with an incessant....Tick!....Tock!...Tick!...Tock!...like a drum of slavery. A friend once shared his view of Sundays with his euphemism "suicide sundays", it is perhaps a extreme view, however there is some element of truth to it. Perhaps my perception of this is all wrong. I perhaps ought to be filled with joy and cheer that I will be part of a machine that perpetuates the life of capitalism...where my actions count to the rise of more infrastructure, which in turn allows even greater wealth to be accumulated by the rush hour of commuters heading in droves to sit at workstations and busy themselves, under the hypnotic sound of Tick and Tock.

It is an absurd reflection really. I have been feeling anxiety all weekend because I may have an interview this coming week. Absurd because the interview is with another engineering firm that essentially has the same function as the one I am with. Engineers create infrastructure and I draft the engineer's vision, so I am contradicting myself on a ethical ground already. I have alot of cynism with the corporate machine yet I am part of this machine. I help create the concrete jungle we find ourselves in. The environment eroding with each and every beam and column erected. I make my living out of this decay, which has the guise of economic growth. Absurd also because I am feeling anxious about perhaps selling myself to another employer for more of this wealth, which I seemingly despise and am enslaved to, yet I still desire more. My drug of choice is "More". More money! More variety! More satisfaction! More challenges!

Anxious because I am questioning why I feel the need to make more money and if I am truly unhappy with my current employer or am I just unhappy with my life in general? I feel that in some way I am being taken advantage of and deserve more than what is being dished out to me. What I truly want is no responsibilty. All care taken but no responsibilty is the catch cry of this rant.

I am absurd. And how hard am I on myself? That is another question. Am I living in a utopian world here? Reality check please? Is any of this neg rave doing anything to abate the anxiety I feel. In truth it is in some way. I am expressing some of the conflict that is present within...even if there are contradictions and absurdities I am venting these in a healthy way.

Enough venting for one day....I am ranted out.

Goodnight ^_^

Addiction and Exile Part 2

A choice of enslavement.

As I stated yesterday I am not fond of the idea that addiction is a disease, however I also find the "moral failing" definition awkward. Too many behaviours are seemingly becoming medicalized and only yesterday did I come across the latest medicalized condition;

Couch potatoes are sick, need drugs

Extreme laziness is a medical condition called motivational deficiency disorder (MoDeD), say Australian researchers.

It is a sign of the times and I believe the diseasing of behaviour and the human condition is becoming more of a problem than the actual behaviour. I am no medical expert but the idea of laziness being a symptom of disease seems preposterous. Are we forgetting that we possess freewill or have we also placed that as a symptom of disease? Perhaps life is a medical condition, which needs treatment.

I am being drawn off on a tangent, however there is some relevance to the discussion at hand. If addiction is choice, which I believe it is and why I specifically chose to describe it as choosing enslavement, then we are compelled to ask why someone would choose such enslavement. It is here that the notion of exile may lead us in understanding enslavement as a choice. Lets presuppose that the person prior to addiction is already in a state of exile. It may be due to some dysfunction in personality for instance or dysfunction in a belief system the person possesses. There are possibly instances where the individual has come from a happy family environment, having been reared by loving and caring parents, however some degree of exile is still present I suggest. I am merely creating some form of assumption and perhaps illustrating a set of circumstances to help myself, primarily understand and paint the picture of exile. I find it difficult to perceive in what context exile is present in such a person who has come from a loving and caring environment, however, I can possibly muse in saying that exile exists, not from a family context but perhaps from the view of a peer group. One could even ponder if it is merely an inward exile, a detachment of self if you will. One could make an analysis of every conceivable scenario yet it is enough that we assume exile exists prior to addiction.

I haven't got very far tonight with this analysis and fear I have indeed strayed too far afield with my meanderings. Perhaps it is best I revisit this in the morning when I have a clearer head. Part 3, tomorrow will perhaps finish my long suffering intellecualization of Addiction and Exile, let's hope so.