Are Sundays depressing or is it just me?
I've decided to postpone my examination of Addiction and Exile for the moment, stay tuned for the continuing saga. I need to collate my thoughts so that they don't appear to be so much a wish wash of rambling. Perhaps so I can look good...who knows exactly why I feel the need to explore such a pointless endeavour but the need is there never the less.
Tonight I am asking the question, Why do Sundays always seem to be such a sombre day? I can reflect that it is a transient sort of day, where freedom is transforming into the realization that my time will soon have to be handed over to the corporate machine. Mondays mark the rule of the clock, as the pendulum sways with an incessant....Tick!....Tock!...Tick!...Tock!...like a drum of slavery. A friend once shared his view of Sundays with his euphemism "suicide sundays", it is perhaps a extreme view, however there is some element of truth to it. Perhaps my perception of this is all wrong. I perhaps ought to be filled with joy and cheer that I will be part of a machine that perpetuates the life of capitalism...where my actions count to the rise of more infrastructure, which in turn allows even greater wealth to be accumulated by the rush hour of commuters heading in droves to sit at workstations and busy themselves, under the hypnotic sound of Tick and Tock.
It is an absurd reflection really. I have been feeling anxiety all weekend because I may have an interview this coming week. Absurd because the interview is with another engineering firm that essentially has the same function as the one I am with. Engineers create infrastructure and I draft the engineer's vision, so I am contradicting myself on a ethical ground already. I have alot of cynism with the corporate machine yet I am part of this machine. I help create the concrete jungle we find ourselves in. The environment eroding with each and every beam and column erected. I make my living out of this decay, which has the guise of economic growth. Absurd also because I am feeling anxious about perhaps selling myself to another employer for more of this wealth, which I seemingly despise and am enslaved to, yet I still desire more. My drug of choice is "More". More money! More variety! More satisfaction! More challenges!
Anxious because I am questioning why I feel the need to make more money and if I am truly unhappy with my current employer or am I just unhappy with my life in general? I feel that in some way I am being taken advantage of and deserve more than what is being dished out to me. What I truly want is no responsibilty. All care taken but no responsibilty is the catch cry of this rant.
I am absurd. And how hard am I on myself? That is another question. Am I living in a utopian world here? Reality check please? Is any of this neg rave doing anything to abate the anxiety I feel. In truth it is in some way. I am expressing some of the conflict that is present within...even if there are contradictions and absurdities I am venting these in a healthy way.
Enough venting for one day....I am ranted out.
Goodnight ^_^
Tonight I am asking the question, Why do Sundays always seem to be such a sombre day? I can reflect that it is a transient sort of day, where freedom is transforming into the realization that my time will soon have to be handed over to the corporate machine. Mondays mark the rule of the clock, as the pendulum sways with an incessant....Tick!....Tock!...Tick!...Tock!...like a drum of slavery. A friend once shared his view of Sundays with his euphemism "suicide sundays", it is perhaps a extreme view, however there is some element of truth to it. Perhaps my perception of this is all wrong. I perhaps ought to be filled with joy and cheer that I will be part of a machine that perpetuates the life of capitalism...where my actions count to the rise of more infrastructure, which in turn allows even greater wealth to be accumulated by the rush hour of commuters heading in droves to sit at workstations and busy themselves, under the hypnotic sound of Tick and Tock.
It is an absurd reflection really. I have been feeling anxiety all weekend because I may have an interview this coming week. Absurd because the interview is with another engineering firm that essentially has the same function as the one I am with. Engineers create infrastructure and I draft the engineer's vision, so I am contradicting myself on a ethical ground already. I have alot of cynism with the corporate machine yet I am part of this machine. I help create the concrete jungle we find ourselves in. The environment eroding with each and every beam and column erected. I make my living out of this decay, which has the guise of economic growth. Absurd also because I am feeling anxious about perhaps selling myself to another employer for more of this wealth, which I seemingly despise and am enslaved to, yet I still desire more. My drug of choice is "More". More money! More variety! More satisfaction! More challenges!
Anxious because I am questioning why I feel the need to make more money and if I am truly unhappy with my current employer or am I just unhappy with my life in general? I feel that in some way I am being taken advantage of and deserve more than what is being dished out to me. What I truly want is no responsibilty. All care taken but no responsibilty is the catch cry of this rant.
I am absurd. And how hard am I on myself? That is another question. Am I living in a utopian world here? Reality check please? Is any of this neg rave doing anything to abate the anxiety I feel. In truth it is in some way. I am expressing some of the conflict that is present within...even if there are contradictions and absurdities I am venting these in a healthy way.
Enough venting for one day....I am ranted out.
Goodnight ^_^
posted by TwistedTripper at 8:06 PM
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