Friday, March 02, 2007

Neural Network

Why is reality such a difficult thing to define. I am here looking at web pages reading other peoples thoughts, frantically searching for some "truth". Some thing that is absolute, ultimate, some essence or "spirit" and the search always comes up short. I sometimes have a definite feeling for a moment when a revelation is just about to surface and then it fades, almost as if nature is hiding her real face underneath a veil of teasing curiosity. What is it that I am looking for? I was thinking as I peered into the "mindscape" of neural pathways that we call the internet, that I love this concept that we are connected by this fabric of electrical circuitry, by a binary code of thoughts spread like the tentacles of truth spreading her arms far and wide. Somehow like a net of intersecting thoughts capturing what this essence is. Some have said that we are nature incarnate, that we are nature become self aware. Perhaps one could imagine a vanity that nature only desires to look at herself through the mirrors of her soul. To admire her own beauty or that we are created or evolved so that she may ponder the very same things I sit here pondering. Why do I exist?

Perhaps the explaination will never be fathomed in the sense of an ultimate or absolute. Perhaps the beauty or truth lies in the search, because if the revelation is beheld in the arms of the observer then what is left? If the theory of everything is realised then what do we do? Once the puzzled is solved, what then? Start over? Build a new one? Sit around smoking cigars patting ourselves on our backs musing over the journey we just finished. Perhaps that is where humanity is flawed. We want our cake and want to eat it as well. Perhaps the search is all vanity.

Bahh! I should just get a life instead of probing into something I will never understand. The problem is that the only real thing that excites me is the intellectual realm. At least I can make some sense out of a perceived mind than I can out of the emotional storms and the chaos within. Emotions are transient in some ebb and flow that is beyond the grasp of my imagination. As far as I know it operates like the cycle of the moon, once a month it appears to be full and then the very next moment it is empty. The intellect is at least in a linear motion, it starts at one end and finishes at another. Perhaps the problem is I place demands on one form and expect the other to follow. How I've ended up in analysis of this perceived duality is a mystery. Well it isn't really, I'm trying to build some model of the universe and how I fit into this picture and the dualism that I'm subscribing to at the moment is a part of this endeavor. Dualities exist just like the duality of endeavour versus endeavor. Two different dictionaries will spell the word differently. Absolutes are the fiction, transience is the reality.

Anyway enough musing for one night. At least I've managed to occupy my mind for a brief moment without tearing myself apart at the seams. Today is a good day. The moon is full, go ahead and look out into the night sky. It's there glowing in its pride, however tomorrow the dark side of the moon may surface and that is what I'm afraid of.


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