Resentment

How much energy am I going to expend on this thing called resentment? How long will I cling to this formidable foe? There are ways in which I could deal with this problem, yet I keep myself face to face with this wicked witch of the past. I bounce from one extreme to another and finding some middle ground in the mire seems near impossible. I hope I am learning from this experience and in some not too distant future I come to an understanding or resolution because I find myself tiring from the burden of this nether land.

Hammering myself day after day for no good reason is an exceptionally self defeating position to be in. I'm just leading myself into the arms of fear and loathing.

Watching the late news while I type, I find my head drifting into the world of make believe, wondering whether these people being telecast across the globe are really for real or do they portray a reality to the world at large, which doesn't exist in their daily bump and grind. What makes these people so confident and able to express their beliefs so freely? I would like to be like them in some way even if it isn't real. Or better still I'd like to be able to portray who I really am in a more secure and self assured way.

Having said all that I am in the flux and flow of a learning process and it seems that I am only just beginning to grasp its meaning. Why I've gone into this semi confessional meandering tonight is something I probably won't understand until much later, if ever.