The beat of Now!

What reality do I wish to create? Have I been put upon this earth to be caught in an endless loop of self doubt and loathing?

I'm certainly a fallible human being, prone to make mistakes and it serves me no purpose to adopt a language whereby I punish myself for some perceived badness or immorality. What do I believe about this existence I've been given? What do I believe about the universe as a whole? Is there some being overseeing and running this cacophony of life?

Only moments ago I began ponder the universe and its seemingly indifferent progression and what significance those thoughts hold for me. Perhaps most of the universe is an empty cold place, minus 273 kelvin, nonsupporting of life or if strange life moves amongst this shadowy blackness then it can only be assumed that it is an icy, faceless creature that cares not for the endeavors that exist in the blue world. And is God this universe I wondered? Perhaps that is what God is. It makes little sense that such a creator or God would really have much interest in one tiny speck amongst the vastness of space and time. Perhaps we are the only life amongst this space that is too great to even imagine with our limited consciousness. The expanse is somehow symbolic of our minds in that we seem to have only just glanced upon, skimming its surface with singularities of insight and awe. Some mysterious inner space that is situated in our heads almost beckoning to lay in comparison with this vast sea of darkness, light and colour. A nebulae as it gives birth to creation, evolution and expanse.

Perhaps 14 billion years have passed only arrive at this point where time can stop, for a brief moment, where this eye can see and behold the enormity of limitless space. We are far too limited or rather the thoughts that barrage this beholder is far too limited. Self defeating amongst the stars that shine even as the sun lays to rest. Time can be enjoyed in such moments, where all meaning to events seem trivial and in comparison they seem to drift amongst the debris of strings and attachments that waft through the void. A moment, which can seem so limitless and free. Such a moment is now and it invites me to bask in the glow of background radiation that hums to the rhythm of silence and the beat of pulsating quarks.