What makes us tick?

Do you know what makes you tick? I often look to other people and get the sense that they have a handle on something I don't. They appear to be so self assured, confident and have a grasp of reality which eludes me for the most part. I wonder if these people suffer from insecurities like the rest of us mere mortals. I think that I quite possibly judge my insides by other peoples outsides too often. It could be one of my biggest flaws. I am always performing some comparative analysis on a conscious and sub conscious level. What is a shy, introverted, sensitive guy to do? How do these people get to be so confident and self assured? Do they ignore that voice, which seems to deride. Do they even have such a voice? I'm thinking out loud. Perhaps my thoughts are too loud and that is perhaps why I am not one of those "together" people. I sometimes cover my insecurities with a level of arrogance but I can never seem to pull off what I want to achieve with this arrogance. It merely hinders me in some way.


I read somewhere that self esteem is merely a rating system founded on irrational logic (my interpretation). I can say I have low self esteem but what good does such a rating do? What good does a high self esteem rating do? This same piece of literature suggested self acceptance to be the key to some kind of happiness rather than self esteem/rating. Other literature based on spiritual concepts also suggest self acceptance as a goal to aspire to. This is something which I need to work on...self acceptance rather than self deprecation. Derision is the path of least resistance in my psyche...it is time I took the path of greatest resistance so that I am able to accept who I am based not on what my perceived achievements are, or by some sociability index (that in essense I am not in the best position to judge), but by the values I hold and the person I am, based on these values.


Food for thought...albeit weary thoughts.