Noise!
Well the chatter and noise is relentless. My quest to find some peace amongst the inner dialogue between my self and whomever it is talking with, is a futile endeavour. What drives this noise? It hardly ever says anything particularily nice and I am perplexed as to where this voice has come. It is as if one day it decided to rest in my head. Perhaps it has taken hostage of my self, gagged it and replaced the loving self with its own mimicry or version of my self with itself. Perhaps I prefer to listen to this stranger rather than the nice guy that was my self.
Who can really say but it seems evident that this self will more than likely refuse to leave. It may need some coercive action and more than a little rough handedness to remove this imposter. Perhaps I can't even remember the self whom this poseur has usurped from its home. Well whose to say I have any right to evict this tenant, I may be the landlord however I may have inadvertently signed a lease by mistake. Perhaps there is some fine print in the contract that I am unaware of, it could have dire consequences if I were to just banish this person from where it has called home. I need to consult with my solictor, I need some clarification on where I stand with this visitor.
Do I really want this visitor to leave? Have I grown to love this self? Why is he so mean to me at times? Am I too caught up in my own insecurities to ask this companion to leave? Has my self esteem been so downtrodden that I am afraid to confront this alter ego? These questions are all probably true, however my self or rather it self is somewhat obstinate and shall we say selfish. Perhaps in the end it matters not if this guest is unwelcome because I am at loathe to let him go. I think he serves a purpose, which I have trouble finding myself. Well maybe I am slow to find it and perhaps this self in some obscure and twisted way is guiding me in my search. Who knows apart from it self. Or it self could be steering me in an entirely wrong direction. Perhaps I will find my way through the mire of haziness in good time. Today I must cope with the noise and perhaps learn to ignore it and maybe listen to a different noise, perhaps then my self will return. Once the stillness has been restored. One thing is almost certain, tomorrow will be another chance that the cross roads will be met, where the choice of direction can be made.
Who can really say but it seems evident that this self will more than likely refuse to leave. It may need some coercive action and more than a little rough handedness to remove this imposter. Perhaps I can't even remember the self whom this poseur has usurped from its home. Well whose to say I have any right to evict this tenant, I may be the landlord however I may have inadvertently signed a lease by mistake. Perhaps there is some fine print in the contract that I am unaware of, it could have dire consequences if I were to just banish this person from where it has called home. I need to consult with my solictor, I need some clarification on where I stand with this visitor.
Do I really want this visitor to leave? Have I grown to love this self? Why is he so mean to me at times? Am I too caught up in my own insecurities to ask this companion to leave? Has my self esteem been so downtrodden that I am afraid to confront this alter ego? These questions are all probably true, however my self or rather it self is somewhat obstinate and shall we say selfish. Perhaps in the end it matters not if this guest is unwelcome because I am at loathe to let him go. I think he serves a purpose, which I have trouble finding myself. Well maybe I am slow to find it and perhaps this self in some obscure and twisted way is guiding me in my search. Who knows apart from it self. Or it self could be steering me in an entirely wrong direction. Perhaps I will find my way through the mire of haziness in good time. Today I must cope with the noise and perhaps learn to ignore it and maybe listen to a different noise, perhaps then my self will return. Once the stillness has been restored. One thing is almost certain, tomorrow will be another chance that the cross roads will be met, where the choice of direction can be made.
posted by TwistedTripper at 11:22 PM
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