How am I gonna cope?
Once again that wretched whore of second sight has taken me hostage. When will I ever learn to keep my head in the day? I keep returning my gaze to a distant shore and it never welcomes my persistent stare with anything even remotely appeasing or dare I say beautiful. The horizon is perpetually clouded with a menacing storm front, the bleak grey rolls across the sky, occasionally thundering a roar to voice her disapproval. Perhaps it is divine justice at work, punishing me for looking at that Medusa shrouded in a veil of promise, deceiving me with an assortment of sweet lies, luring me into believing that perhaps she will announce some possible failure, which may be lurking behind each and every moment. It is sheer madness, the height of insanity.
Even if I did possess such knowledge, would it prevent me from committing error. What if divine wisdom wishes me to make such errors? It is foolish to expect that I could bargain my way out of err's destiny with incantations to the God's to unveil their own mystery. If I did know what failures lay ahead and then made choices to avoid these errors, would I be in a better position? Would I then be free from insecurity and be bestowed with an over abundance of confidence? Or would I then be filled with uncertainty that I perhaps missed something useful?
If I even reflect over the brief period that has been the last couple of weeks, have I not learnt valuable lessons in the mistakes and successes I have experienced. Surely I have! Would I be in a better position if I knew the outcome beforehand? No! Then why do I persist in giving myself grief over something I cannot know? Is this inner dialogue of self doubt giving me anything of value? No, all it accomplishes is a state of anxiety. Do I want to live my life in such a state. No. Then is it perhaps time I abandoned the whore of deceit and answered to the side of truth. Time will tell if I am able to become atuned with what is real rather than what I perceive to be real. Today is the day that I concern myself with what lies directly ahead and not in some far away land that I have no conrol over anyway.
Enough said!
Even if I did possess such knowledge, would it prevent me from committing error. What if divine wisdom wishes me to make such errors? It is foolish to expect that I could bargain my way out of err's destiny with incantations to the God's to unveil their own mystery. If I did know what failures lay ahead and then made choices to avoid these errors, would I be in a better position? Would I then be free from insecurity and be bestowed with an over abundance of confidence? Or would I then be filled with uncertainty that I perhaps missed something useful?
If I even reflect over the brief period that has been the last couple of weeks, have I not learnt valuable lessons in the mistakes and successes I have experienced. Surely I have! Would I be in a better position if I knew the outcome beforehand? No! Then why do I persist in giving myself grief over something I cannot know? Is this inner dialogue of self doubt giving me anything of value? No, all it accomplishes is a state of anxiety. Do I want to live my life in such a state. No. Then is it perhaps time I abandoned the whore of deceit and answered to the side of truth. Time will tell if I am able to become atuned with what is real rather than what I perceive to be real. Today is the day that I concern myself with what lies directly ahead and not in some far away land that I have no conrol over anyway.
Enough said!
posted by TwistedTripper at 9:56 PM
2 Comments:
"Time will tell if I am able to become atuned with what is real rather than what I perceive to be real." ---ahh, that is a difficult struggle.
But fantasy seduces you, and in the words of Stabilo, makes you "play make believe until it's real...most of the time."
Deciding to live, instead of frolic about in fantasy is liberating--but difficult to do. This may not be what you were ranting about exactly, but it made me think...
Thanks for the read, take care.
Thanks for the comment fulumirani, it has given me food for thought.
"Deciding to live, instead of frolic about in fantasy is liberating--but difficult to do."
You've articulated the very essence of what I am trying to do. To live rather than be imprisoned by own head.
Cheers
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